Suddenly I realised that Atheism was the Only Choice

The side effect of my increased understanding of the scientific method and the impossibility of a literal creation was that more and more of what I had accepted in The Bible was rejected as false.

I can’t remember exactly when it was but over a short period of time I realised that rejection of formerly held Biblical truths could only result on one thing, total rejection of The Bible. I did consider for a while if I could hold my acceptance of Evolution along with the belief in a personal God. The problem that caused me was that it didn’t fix the fact that key events in the Old Testament didn’t happen and if certain key events in the Old Testament didn’t happen, then the New Testament was equally in doubt and therefore Christianity as a whole had little to defend it.

It didn’t take much for me to realise that the end result of the road I was on was the abandonment of my Christian faith. I could not embrace my new scientific understanding and my enthusiasm for more and keep a Christian faith. It simply wasn’t going to happen for me, there were too many questions that resulted in The Bible being wrong or questionable.

So rather than spend years battling with my faith, I decided to shortcut the torment and make a conscious decision that Christianity was bunk and go from there.

While it was an easy logical conclusion to make, there were many things that I needed to consider. How do I tell those I love? Especially my Wife! How will this affect my morals? What do I do about going to Church? How will this affect my views on death? This last one was key as at this time my mother was very ill with Pancreatic Cancer (more on this in another post that will come).

Those first weeks Post Atheism were a bit weird.

It was a few years ago now so I don’t recall those weeks especially clearly, but there are a few things that still stand out for me.

The first one is that I questioned my morals and their source. I hadn’t realised it until then, but my mind-set wad been very heavily engrained with the idea that morals and goodness come from the Holy Spirit and I was good because I was a Christian. Abandoning that must then surely mean the abandonment of my morals. I found myself asking questions about what was now acceptable, could I lie more readily? Steal from work? Cheat on my wife? You know, the sort of things those horrid godless people do all the time!

Well, it turns out that I was still just as unhappy with the idea of any of those things as I was before. So there would be no sin binge, as it were.

Tell No One

At this time I resolved that my state of faith would be a secret until I could work out what to do with the news. My biggest fear was how my wife would react, I knew that if it had been the other way round I’d have likely been devastated and I didn’t want to do that to her. This meant that I also would not tall anyone else because I didn’t feel it would be right to tell anyone else when she didn’t know.

Later I would seriously consider confiding in a close friend first and there were a couple of occasions when that very nearly happened. It just never seemed to be the right place or the right time.

What I did start to do was expand my reading of blogs. I looked for and found several blogs of people who had also come out of Christianity. This gave me a form of release as I could read now read (and participate if required) about similar experiences and not feel alone and unable to express my concerns and frustrations.

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10 thoughts on “Suddenly I realised that Atheism was the Only Choice

  1. Your deconversion experience is a familiar one to many ex-Christians. After we leave Christianity, we’re forced to construct a new worldview and ethical system. It’s hard work with no shortcuts, but it’s definitely worth it to become a morally mature person.

    • Hi Ahab,

      Thanks for the comment. One thing that I hadn’t fully appreciated at the time was just how many people have also gone through what I was going through. I thought I was alone in my experience because I didn’t know anyone else who felt the same way. It was blogs that enabled me to see that I didn’t have to wander blindly through this new experience.

  2. There are times when we have ‘light bulb moments’. It all started again for me when I discovered WordPress in July and moved my blog (that you have in your blogroll) to http://roomofgrace.wordpress.com
    It was a chance to reconsider some of my thoughts, and as I said in the introduction of that blog, “move just a little of some of the more controversial material to a second blog”. Shortly after that I had another ‘light bulb moment’ when I read what one theologian had said recently about the need to believe literally in Adam and Eve.

    As I’ve said on my new blog http://agardenofgrace.wordpress.com “Not only do I not accept the literal reality of Adam and Eve, but I also sense that the traditional belief in the Fall of Adam is a misguided (but not necessarily a false) foundation of the whole Christian FAITH”.

    I went on to suggest that we could profitably look at the meaning of the two trees – the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, and the tree of life!

    I’d be interested in your thoughts.

  3. Pingback: Death of a Much Loved Mother « Confessions Of A YEC

  4. It’s a pity I logged on to WordPress using the wrong site.

    I would agree with you that for many evangelical Christians a literal Adam and Eve is very important.

    It’s interesting to me that you said on another post, “The acknowledgement that Adam and Eve never existed is going to have to come from the church eventually”. There are over 30,000 Christian denominations each teaching something slightly different. There are millions of committed Christians who recognise that Adam and Eve never literally existed – and there are millions of older Christians in particular, for whom this thought would be very disturbing.

    I’d be interested to know what you think of one article in particular on my new blog – “Broken Myths” – http://agardenofgrace.wordpress.com/broken-myths/

    • Hi Again Peter and thanks for the comment.

      Yes, my comment is rather sweeping, and as such arguably incorrect.

      What I was trying to get at at the time was that despite many churches and demoniations accepting that Adam and Eve did not exist as literal people, they are preached about from the pulpit as if they did. My experience may be limited, but I’ve not heard a sermon about Adam and Eve that didn’t refer to them as though they were real. Regardless of the position of the preacher.

      Why would someone who accepted that the story is a myth preach about it in a tone that implied they were real when making a point about the fall of man?

      I can imagine some churches I have been in would have quite an issue if a preacher stated the Adam and Eve story was a myth. Its one thing for a church to say it accept the its a myth, but I am not convinced that its being conveyed to everyone who sits on the pews.

  5. Pingback: The first few weeks of Atheism « Confessions Of A YEC

  6. Pingback: Is There a Specific Event That Turned me? – Confessions Of A YEC

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